LSATs...

 

Image Source: Kaplan

© March 10, 2022, the Griot Poet

 

Tucker Carlson,

Heir to the Swanson frozen foods fortune,

Trust fund baby was a CIA reject,

He should question why his parents gave him,

A first name that rhymes with “fucker?”

 

Tucker Carlson has “mommy issues,”

A Freudian slip that’s self-explanatory,

He’s the epitome of willful ignorance,

His privilege puts blinders on during Black History Month,

Throwing up racist tropes like shit,

Seeing what on the Nielsen rating wall sticks,

 

Here’s a history Tucker Carlson hopes that you missed:

 

Ketanji Onyika Brown-Jackson,

Her parents, Johnny and Ellery Brown,

Working for the Peace Corps in West Africa,

Wanted a name for their daughter to honor their ancestors,

Ketanji Onyika means “lovely one”

(And can’t be rhymed with an epithet),

Graduated Harvard College Magna Cum Laude,

Harvard Law School Cum Laude,

Was an editor of the Harvard Law Review,

Like “Cancun Cruz” and President Barack Obama,

Yet, along with Judge Brown-Jackson,

And the 44th president,

You use this racist trope

To question her qualifications,

 

Yet,

You didn’t ask for Cancun’s LSAT,

Nor January 6 “fist up” Josh Holley’s,

You didn’t ask for Neil Gorsuch’s,

You didn’t ask for Brett Kavanaugh’s over beers,

You didn’t ask for Amy Coney Barrett’s,

Chief Justice Roberts, Justice Sam Alito,

Hell, you didn’t ask for Clarence Thomas’s!

 

108 of the 115 Supreme Court Justices,

Have been exclusively white men,

Thurgood Marshall was the first African American nominated,

After “Brown vs. Board of Education,”

HIS credentials were questioned!

We can argue if Clarence Thomas is the second,

(Nobody at the family BBQ claims him)

Sandra Day O’Conner was the first woman,

Nominated by Saint Ronald Reagan,

Ronnie probably couldn’t be a Republican,

In the party’s current “Putin’s puppet” state,

I don’t recall Reagan asking for Sandra Day’s LSAT,

As a matter of fact,

He nominated her BECAUSE of her gender,

To quell the angst of Republican women,

When he turned his back on abortion rights,

 

Racists go to the trope of standardized test performance,

Because of the Stanford-Binet test,

The foundation of the SAT, GMAT, GRE, LSAT, MCAT,

It was designed to engineer a society

Where Tucker’s tribe is ever on top,

It’s why he’s nightly calling for “tribal warfare,”

Not that “trust fund” pacifier sucker would help fight it,

 

Question:

Why did the other trust fund baby,

I gave the pejorative Orange Satan,

Sue the military academy where he played a soldier in high school,

During Vietnam discovering bone spurs,

(Which foot he can’t remember,)

As someone who has suffered them, they’re hard to forget,

Why did he sue his high school and his college,

To keep his grades and HIS SAT scores private?

 

Maybe Mango Mussolini isn’t a “stable genius?”

His attacks on a black president jealousy, and projection,

His abject stupidity needs deflection,

He needed a foreign power to steal an election,

(“Russia, if you’re listening?”)

 

Nightly, Tucker’s spouting Russian talking points,

Jonathan Karl of ABC news pointing it out,

To the point where the Russian dictator has a credible plagiarism lawsuit,

Except, like the poster child of Adult Depends,

“Useful idiots” like Tucker meets his ends,

 

November 9, 1989,

The Berlin Wall tumbled down,

After Reagan challenged Gorbachev to tear it down,

December 26, 1991,

A day after Christmas,

Saw the dissolution

Of the Soviet Union,

For a certain KGB chief,

This fall was a catastrophe,

 

Putin,

Doesn’t want to go back to before 1989,

He wants to go back to 1975,

When the United States failed in Vietnam,

The one “Bone Spurs” failed to serve and faked to avoid?

 

But,

Let’s talk about LSATs,

Knowing that you won’t block Judge Ketanji Brown’s ascent,

To Supreme Court Justice,

Just on Democratic senators,

She’s got this!

And, she’ll get a few republicans,

The reason you need to see them is,

You’re a scowl-faced white supremacist,

Just like Charlottesville Tiki torch racists,

I’m not Putin, but I said it!

Just like Dumbo Gambino,

Who wanted to see Obama’s transcript,

Simultaneously moving to hide HIS two subpar lack of effort,

Dumbo is the guy,

By the way,

Who gave us COVFEFE,

Tucker, you are

Nightly duping the rubes who watch you,

Feeding them Russian propaganda instead of news,

For the only altar of your and Rupert Murdoch’s worship:

Nielsen ratings.

 

You’re a trust fund baby with “mommy issues,”

A CIA reject,

With a cackling laugh that would make the Crypt Keeper spit,

You used to be a decent journalist,

Until grift became your nightly nourishment,

I end this takedown with this:

 

Ketanji Onyika means “lovely one,”

You can’t make that an epithet,

Her husband is Former Speaker Paul Ryan’s cousin,

Even Ryan admits she’s more than qualified for the position,

Tucker rhymes with “fucker,”

Your problem is “mommy issues.”