 |
| Myung Chun / Los Angeles Times via GI |
Image Source: Billboard.com
© March 30, 2022, the Griot Poet
Slap boxing,
Open hand smacking,
Not knuckling like men
Marquis of Queensberry rules lacking,
To our shock and chagrin,
The “slap heard round the world” wasn’t an act,
First question:
Would you have stepped up
Had the comedian been Jimmy Kimmel?
Comedians roast celebrities: that’s their shtick.
You just put a target on any comedian who makes a joke.
You were laughing until you saw Jada rolling her eyes, then
you thought about it.
No one is going to practice the art wearing a Kevlar flack
jacket,
I’m not saying NOT to defend your wife,
We didn’t have that luxury during slavery,
Or the Middle Passage,
But you’re (at the moment) A-Listed status,
A multimillionaire former rapper,
Turned formidable actor,
You could have taken him to the side after the ceremony
With your lawyer, and demanded a public apology,
You could have challenged him
On the most important night of your existence,
To a celebrity boxing match after accepting your Oscar.
You had the eyes of the world on YOU,
And who didn’t want to see you FINALLY win?
You took “King Richard” from Venus and Serena Williams,
You took “Summer of Soul” from Quest Love,
Will Packer, after “Oscars So White,” was head manager,
You trained for “Ali,” and you’re a good athlete.
You could
have even charged Pay-Per-View,
Made a mint,
And donate the money to the other’s favorite charity.
That could have satisfied your chivalry,
All Chris would have done is get big-eyed on stage and say, “Oh,
shit!”
We’ll never know.
It would suck if the Academy took your Oscar back.
Harvey Weinstein still has his after “me too” in prison,
The Academy of Motion Pictures is shuffling,
They’re hoping the public is attention deficit,
Their discipline appears selective.
Yeah, there was a classier way to handle disrespect to your
wife.
Last night wasn’t it.
Second question,
Would you have made a GI Jane joke reference
Had the couple in the audience been
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds?
You’ve attained multimillionaire status,
You’re off a season of “Boardwalk Empire,”
You were Pookie in “New Jack City,”
Comedy takes intelligence,
Meanness takes psychopathy,
Alopecia is a disease that
Removes a woman’s “crowning glory,”
Jada Pickett-Smith,
And Representative Ayanna Pressley bravely decided to own it,
I’ll give Chris this pass: he didn’t know about it.
Each strand falling to the floor is a “little death” of their
self-esteem,
The five stages of grief are still:
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression: acceptance,
By Elisabeth Kübler-Ross,
And not exactly in that order,
Both of you have mothers, grandmothers, aunties, sisters,
If you’re living, you have a woman to thank for being on the
planet!
The beauty shop is the center of their universe,
Losing their hair is not a giggle,
Losing the audience is not a winner,
Jada’s not inviting you to the next Thanksgiving dinner,
Your Boston show sold out,
Ticket sales were through the roof,
The pimp slap is proving profitable,
You’re going to have the crowd pressure of escalating
The situation,
Or you’re going to have to be brave enough to squash it,
Enslavers pitted us
Against each other so that we wouldn’t have the strength,
Or the cunning to organize against them,
It was a human-sized cock fighting for debasement
And entertainment,
We didn’t start moving forward until we squashed the kinds of
beef between us,
Building towns, colleges, Rosewood and Black Wall Street,
It was racist envy that destroyed the latter, not infighting!
We used to be running in the same direction on the Underground
Railroad,
Following Harriet Tubman to freedom,
Don’t get “too big for your britches,”
Lawyers are salivating to strip both of you,
Of your wealth and riches,
So the only option you’ll have left,
Is moving back to your tenements in New York and Philly,
The “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” from Peacock to a peon,
“Boardwalk Empire” back to Pookie, the crackhead,
Slap box somebody on those streets,
We’re just recovering from the disappointment of Bill Cosby,
Now you’re both giving us 21st Century Step-n-Fetch,
If you can’t tell, I’ve lost all respect for the slap boxer
and the slapped,
Admit it, Chris: this isn’t the first time towards Jada that
you’ve talked smack,
Do you have a problem with the joke Will,
Or your wife’s open relationship with her lover, August
Alsina? (He doesn’t look slapped)
Do you remember talking about squashing kinds of beef after
Biggie and Tupac at the Grammys?
Some young people look up to both of you; whether [or not] you
like it.
Bottom line:
Crass jokes aren’t for smart comedians,
Slap boxing isn’t for grown-ass men,
You both went from A-listers in my mind to minstrels.
Be careful with your public personas, or both of you will quickly be forgotten.
No comments:
Post a Comment